


The Results of Unexpected Secondary Gender Expression

by Foodmoon



Series: Oddball fics [30]
Category: Naruto
Genre: A/B/O, Different Teams, Do not share for profit, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:41:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21738514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon
Summary: Naruto wasn't supposed to express. Sasuke was supposed to be an alpha. Shikamaru was happy being a beta. Too bad it doesn't happen that way.Or.Just another fluffy a/b/o trash fic.
Relationships: Sakura/Sasuke, naruto/shikamaru
Series: Oddball fics [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/938265
Comments: 76
Kudos: 570





	1. Mourning, Dismay, and Relief

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone is born ‘beta’. A certain percentage express around puberty as alphas or omegas. Approximately a third of the population expresses. It’s random in a generation until the percentage is near-filled and then slows way down until completely filled, then stops. As such, it tends to favor older children, since they tend to reach the age of expression first. Medical issues or abuse/sexual abuse can prevent expression in some cases.
> 
> This can see variance if a child interacts with two separate peer groups, such as clan vs school, since there may be variables of age between the two groups.
> 
> Non-expressed people may still have sexual desires and enjoy sex, but without expression they aren’t sexually mature and cannot have children unless expression happens at a later date.
> 
> Abuse or sexual abuse in childhood: If the perpetrator is a beta, usually it forces expression. If the perpetrator is an alpha or omega, it generally prevents expression. Because of this, in such cases of completely unexpected expression or lack of expression, adults around the child are usually investigated.
> 
> Since betas can express later in life if the alpha/omega population unbalances or drops, there is no favoritism regarding punishment for crimes. Sexual abuse of a child is an automatic death sentence.
> 
> Wandering betas are more likely to express, due to lack of presence of alphas/omegas around them on a regular basis, serving as a trigger. This results in some interesting traditions in some areas, clans, and noble clans/families. Such as quests by those judged to be candidates for heir/heiress, and only those who come back expressed are considered viable candidates.
> 
> Alpha females are rare due to more complicated anatomy and male omegas are uncommon, for the same reason, but not quite as rare. In general, males who express are alphas (this does not influence personality) and females who express are omegas (this does not influence personality). Approximately 1 in 20 females who express are alphas and 1 in 8 males who express are omegas.
> 
> Alpha/alpha and omega/omega relationships are frowned on but not forbidden in most places. In general there are no restrictions on betas’ relationships, since they are unable to have children. Individuals may have restrictions placed on them, due to familial or clan circumstances, or demands of public position.
> 
> Alphas experience ruts, unless on suppressants, every 3-4 months. Omegas experience heats, unless on suppressants, every 3-4 months. Suppressants may be in the form of herbal tea drunk daily, or herbal pills taken weekly, or (modernly) shots given 2x a year by a medic. While the shots are the most efficient method, there are some stability issues regarding it, such as ingesting alcohol makes its efficacy break down much faster. Most prefer to simply schedule time off coinciding with ruts or heats to avoid the issue altogether.

Naruto is an idiot; he knows that. It’s hard to miss when everyone tells him that or complains about him being a demon. Which, what? He’s too stupid to figure _that_ one out. But he’s not such an idiot as to not know that him expressing as an alpha when he’s one of the youngest in his peer group is weird and concerning. Okay, so he mostly knows this because Jiji and the medics, Iruka sensei and even Ino’s dad for some reason asked him lots of questions in very concerned tones about people hurting him or bad-touching him. Yeah, no. None of that happened. Even if people would probably _like_ to hurt him, they don’t. Their words are mean, though. So apparently people being all mean can make someone express. Who knew? He didn’t. But it’s cool.

The kids in his class have been a little less scornful of him since he expressed. Which he really doesn’t get, but whatever. He’ll take it.

Expression is a funny thing in his opinion. Like, all the girls in his class wanted to express as omegas so they could be Sasuke-teme’s omega when he expressed as an alpha. And most of them _had_ expressed as omegas, which is another weird thing, cuz that many people expressing in one class is really weird from what he knows. He figures the girls are just so crazy over Sasuke-teme that they _wished_ themselves into expressing. More fools them, cuz while Sasuke-teme finally _did_ express, turns out that he’s an omega, which means none of the girls have a chance with him.

Except Sakura-chan, who actually expressed as an alpha and got teased so bad for it by the other girls until Sasuke-teme expressed. Now she sits right by him all the time, and is all sweet to him. Which makes Sasuke-teme look alternately unnerved and intrigued by, now that the other girls aren’t crowding him. And is totally unfair, because _Naruto_ liked Sakura-chan. But alpha/alpha and omega/omega relationships are a big no-no. So Sasuke-teme doesn’t have to deal with the squealing (now sulking) omega girls anymore, and Naruto no longer has a chance with Sakura-chan.

Life just isn’t fair.

_(So maybe Naruto is sulking, too. He doesn’t care.)_ For once he doesn’t want to be up front, the center of attention. He just wants to be left in peace while he mourns the death of his crush on Sakura-chan. Since everyone shuffles their seats around with Sasuke-teme’s expression messing with their heads, he takes the chance to slide into a seat in the back of the room, next to Shikamaru. Who likes sleeping in class enough that he’ll leave Naruto alone. Naruto ignores Kiba’s miffed look when he notices that Naruto’s change of seat means he’s stuck sitting up front where Iruka sensei will actually ask him questions so he’ll actually have to study. Which is funny, cuz Kiba’s a lot better at book stuff than Naruto, even though he hates studying more than Naruto does.

~

Shikamaru blinks as Naruto slides in beside him. Not because they don’t get along or anything like that, but because the alpha generally hates not being front and center where he can make a ruckus. Hopefully he doesn’t make a ruckus _here_ , because Shikamaru hates having his naps interrupted and Naruto is _loud_. He honestly doesn’t care that Naruto’s an alpha. 60% of the civilian kids have expressed while a good half of the clan heirs haven’t. Yet. _(He knows the clans will take steps to ensure they do after they make genin.)_ At least Naruto’s expression was natural. Weird, but natural. Unlike the civilian girls who apparently had volunteered to babysit _a lot_ until they expressed. _(If his mom tries to make him express through that method, he’s running away from home.)_

Anyways, better Naruto than one of the civilian girls deciding to make do now that Sasuke is unavailable and trying to marry into a clan by sucking up to him. Making girls cry is bothersome. Or Ino, who is still bemoaning Sasuke’s lack of taste in expressing as an omega. Frankly, he’s of the opinion that Sasuke expressed the way he did simply as a self-defense mechanism so he didn’t get swarmed under by the horde of rabid fangirls. Smart choice, really. Since none of the boys who have expressed so far can seem to wrap their minds around Sasuke being an omega, the only one left for him to deal with is Sakura, who is at least intelligent outside of her obsession with Sasuke. Though, personally, he thinks the situation is a little _too much_ in Sakura’s favor now that Sasuke can’t just ignore her as one of the terrifying horde of squealers. Sakura might play demure and sweetly defer to Sasuke, but there’s no question of which of them is going to get their way if they have an argument. _(That girl has a vicious streak.)_

At least with Naruto, he can elbow him if he gets too loud.

~

A few months later, Shikamaru blinks in disbelief as teams are announced. Instead of the expected Ino/Shika/Cho team, his teammates are some civilian boy named Sho and Naruto. _How had Naruto passed after failing the test, anyways?_ Chouji and Ino are with some civilian beta boy. And Sakura and Sasuke are with Ami, one of the civilian omega girls.

It’s pretty clear _why_ Ino/Shika/Cho has been broken up. Clan bonds aside, the clans can’t afford to have their heirs _not_ express, and the three of them are close enough friends that with only Ino expressed, there still might not be enough biological pressure to force expression for either him or Chouji.

And while the top two in the class are normally put with the last place student, putting two alphas and one omega on a team is just _asking_ for unpleasant mayhem. An alpha and two omegas is much safer to internal mechanics of a team.

Putting Shikamaru and another beta with Naruto is a little questionable, to his mind, but it’s probably because Naruto is an idiot and _someone_ intelligent needs to be on the same team. One alpha on a team doesn’t necessarily prevent a second one from expressing, after all. Sho’s pretty average overall and unlikely to express since he has older siblings who have. He also, unfortunately, thinks other betas aren’t worth listening to, so Shikamaru has his work cut out for him. At least until he expresses out of sheer frustration, because undoubtedly that’s what will happen. There’s a 52% chance that his mother’s meddling is at fault for this mess, though, so he’s not going to complain. Mostly because he doesn’t want to be laughed at.

~

Asuma sensei obviously thinks they’re the team from hell. Shikamaru thinks the man should be grateful that he’s at least motivated to put in enough effort to make sure the team doesn’t self-destruct and get them all killed.

Naruto’s not as much of an idiot as he thought, actually, but it’s hard to get him to listen. Still, he’s head and shoulders above Sho in intelligence, because the boy _only_ listens to Naruto or Asuma sensei. So Shika has to convince Naruto, which is a total pain in the ass because Naruto has a poor attention span for anything that doesn’t interest him or isn’t _his_ idea, and then have him repeat it to Sho, who just ignores Shikamaru otherwise. Worse, Sho dislikes Naruto and _only_ listens to him because he’s an alpha, so then Naruto has to convince _Sho_ that the idea is reasonable, much against Sho’s will. At least Naruto’s gotten better at convincing Sho with a minimum of fuss. It’s almost hilariously inefficient and he misses Chouji and Ino so, so much, because at least they could _function_ as a team.

All of this he can deal with.

But of course, the universe hates him, so _of course_ Naruto goes into rut in the middle of nowhere during a courier mission, Sho won’t go near him, and Asuma sensei _can’t_ because he’s an omega and that could go wrong in ways that would get Asuma sensei busted back to _genin_ for abuse of authority. So, Shikamaru is stuck caring for a miserable rut-sick teammate with no real break for the next four days. He hates his life. And Naruto, for not bothering to tell them that he ran out of suppressant pills two _weeks_ ago. The moron.

He squawks when Naruto, half-delirious, snags him and drags him down into bed as a cuddle toy, but Naruto is stronger than him so he can’t get away without _actively_ hurting his teammate which is just a no, regardless of how annoying Naruto can be.

In the end, he gives up and takes a nap.

Some unknown time later, he wakes feeling like he’s going to die and sees Naruto staring down at him with surprisingly clear eyes and a worried expression. “What?” he croaks.

“Um. I think my rut made you express.” Naruto bites his lip. It’s obvious he’s not in rut _now_ , but Shikamaru doubts that much time has passed.

Shikamaru frowns at him. “Don’t be stupid. The only way your rut would end early _and_ trigger me to express would be if I’m an o-”

He breaks off in horrified realization and groans. “My mom is _never_ going to let me live this down.”

Naruto blinks at him in puzzlement. “Why? There’s nothing wrong with being an omega.”

“She’s going to want to put me in dresses.”

“But you’re a boy.”

“I _know_.”

“You mean she _doesn’t_ know?” Naruto sounds scandalized.

Shikamaru groans again. “Yes, she knows. She’s just going to use me being an omega as an excuse. Because she always wanted a daughter to dress up.”

The blond alpha blinks at him a few times. “I don’t know if your mom’s just weird or really scary.”

“Both.” He says, then moans and clutches his stomach. “I blame you for this. How the hell did you run out of suppressants anyways?”

Naruto looks away, clearly embarrassed. “Someone broke in and stole mine again. I could only afford half the amount for replacements. I don’t got a clan to give me replacements like you do, ‘ttebayo.”

“You. Are. An. Idiot.” He opines through gritted teeth. “Asuma sensei would have _given_ you some if you’d let him know.”

“I… I’ll, um, just go let Asuma sensei know what’s happening to you.” Naruto says hurriedly, flushing, then scurries out of the room.

Shikamaru stares after him, then pulls a pillow over his head in frustration. Kami obviously hates him. He should probably just smother himself and get it over with before his life gets ruined further.

~

Sho…is honestly a little relieved to hear that their strategist is expressing as an omega. It means that the team dynamic won’t be ruined, and that he can stop ignoring Shikamaru because he’s a beta and shouldn’t be in charge. Some would say an omega shouldn’t be in charge either, but he figures they’re just assholes who can’t give up on the notion that having a womb makes someone stupid because it’d put them in the position of looking as stupid as they actually are. Besides, Naruto would be impossible to work with if Shikamaru expressed as an alpha.

He’s pretty sure the adults in general hate Naruto because of some unspeakable prank, but Sho’s main frustration with him is that he’s loud, boastful, stubborn, and really hates listening to others. It’s kind of a miracle that Shikamaru has enough patience to get past that and pound actual plans into his head enough for him to understand them. Naruto’s not actually a _bad_ teammate. He’s strong, he’s persistent, and strangely quick at coming up with weird solutions that actually work for unfathomable reasons. It’s just that he drives people crazy with frustration in really short amounts of time. If he was a beta, Sho would just not listen to him, but that hasn’t been an option since before the team was formed.

It had become obvious pretty early on that Shikamaru is probably twice as smart as Naruto, Sho, and Asuma sensei put together, but Sho had _hated_ being so effortlessly one-upped by a fellow beta. The fact that Shikamaru was a clan kid and had no idea why Sho was acting the way he did only made it worse. He could have explained it to him, of course, but Shikamaru’s laziness in regards to others was probably the most annoying thing about him, so Sho couldn’t be bothered. The looks of frustration that had prompted had been supremely satisfying. But even Sho could admit that their team would work better now that Shikamaru had some _proper_ authority in the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sho’s family is a classic case of prejudice against betas. They don’t believe betas are true adults and as such do not deserve proper authority. Even though Sho himself is very likely to remain a beta for life, this belief is ingrained in him very thoroughly.
> 
> He doesn’t really care why the adults dislike Naruto or anything like that. It’s just that Naruto kind of drives him up the wall. It pains him to admit that Naruto actually has proper authority, so he’s kind of stubborn about listening to him.
> 
> Team 7 got sent back to the Academy for a year, because Sasuke didn’t like Ami enough to share food with her, so they all failed. Kakashi will get them again next year, much to his and their disgust.  
> Have I mentioned that I hate winter? Sorry to those I haven't replied to your comments yet. I've been suffering from a case of 'too many Naruto fics' and reading pretty much anything but Naruto and not writing at all.


	2. Chunin Exams and New Team Compositions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shikamaru grumbles about the exams, Shino contemplates changes, Naruto is very excitable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should apologize for this chapter. It probably has a few issues despite the amount of time I spent tweaking things so it made more sense and read less flat.
> 
> Incidentally, in this AU, Danzo's arm was amputated after his heroics, so he doesn't have a Hashirama arm filled with creepy eyeballs because a new arm would be basically impossible to hide. He's also a little more gloomy, decided against helping Hanzo, and the Akatsuki never went darkside. The three of them are happily ruling Ame and raising their daughters. Obito's still around, but without Pein and Konan as figureheads, he's having a lot more issues pulling together a viable organization.

Chunin exams are relatively uneventful.

There’s that one creepy redhead kid from Suna, who kills a whole team in the forest and one genin in preliminary matches and barely stops short of killing another girl during his first match in the finals. Probably the only reason he concedes to let the kid go when the proctor calls the match is that the genin had the intelligence to stick to blocking and dodging, showing off her skills as best she can without actually attacking.

Chouji and Kiba manage to knock each other out in the first round of the finals. Hinata and Ino win their matches without a problem in the prelims before being matched against more skilled opponents in the finals and losing by thin margins.

A weird kid named Rock Lee ends up in the hospital after being matched up by the weirder cat-suited, puppeteer from Suna. Suna apparently has some nasty poisons. Lee’s teammate Tenten loses against the wind user from Suna.

Their other teammate, Neji Hyuuga, is a cousin of Hinata. He bests Sho easily and mocks him, saying it was his fate to lose. Naruto swears to avenge Sho, who really doesn’t need avenging, since all he’s suffering from is closed tenketsu points, but Shikamaru finds himself matched up against Neji first.

Outmaneuvering Neji is a bit tricky, since Neji is a close combat genius who _doesn’t_ need shadows to fight, but his exasperation at Shikamaru’s immediate retreat combined with Neji’s need to monologue and show off eventually lures him into range and he ends up trapped by Shika’s shadows until the proctor calls the match when it becomes clear that Neji isn’t going to find a way to fight free. Shikamaru isn’t Naruto, with a burning spirit of justice prompting him to lecture Neji, but the guy’s attitude _is_ annoying.

“You know, what you call ‘fate’ is what I call ‘giving up’. There’s at least three ways you could have broken my hold on you before the proctor called the match, and you didn’t try any of them because you’re too focused on self-pity.” Shikamaru scoffs. “You’re right that I don’t understand your situation, but you obviously don’t understand the situations of others. Why don’t you quit whining about how unfair your life is and actually work on changing it?”

He ignores the proctor’s scolding look and stalks out of the arena to watch Naruto’s match against the wind using girl from Suna. Which goes about like he expects. Her expertise is no match for the sheer _numbers_ Naruto can pump out with sickening ease.

His next match is against Shino, and Shikamaru feels zero guilt about giving up on the spot. He prefers avoiding unnecessary chakra exhaustion, and Shino has already shown off his skills by easily beating the poison using puppeteer.

Naruto’s next match is against that creepy, sand-using kid from Suna. It escalates a bit to them both showing off the fact that they’re jinchuurikis _(which was something Shikamaru had not known about Naruto)_ and yelling at each other about blood and love and friends with Naruto somehow winning by talking the redhead into submission as far as he can tell. Though he could be wrong, since the pair manages to destroy half the arena and ends up out outside of it for most of their fight.

There is a delay between then and the next match, for emergency repairs. Mostly so the arena seating doesn’t collapse while the fight is going on.

The match is anti-climactic, though. It mostly consists of Naruto tottering into the arena while Shino walks in with slightly uncertain body-language, the proctor opening the match, Shino’s swarm descending on Naruto, and Naruto promptly keeling over from chakra exhaustion, since there hasn’t been enough time for him to recover after his match with Gaara.

There is a silence in which Shino looks surprised, then the proctor calls the match and announces Shino as the winner of the finals. Shino looks more baffled than proud.

Okay, so perhaps _uneventful_ isn’t the correct term, but it definitely could have gone worse. No one died in the finals and no wars have been started despite Suna’s unfriendly attitude and clearly unstable jinchuuriki.

Although Shikamaru can’t decide whether he’s dismayed to have been promoted, or glad he won’t have to go through the exams again next year, like Sho will. Naruto, of course, is ecstatic about his own promotion.

Shino is promoted as well. And now, apparently, he and Sho will swap teams, so team 10 is a chunin team and team 8 remains a genin team.

Which…is going to be interesting, since it will change the team dynamic. Shino’s skillset is significantly different than Sho’s and Shino is an alpha, which will make for an alpha\alpha\omega team. A team formation that is usually avoided like the plague, if possible, particularly in younger teams where the members might not have full control over their instincts as of yet. Then again, none of them are precisely average.

Neither he nor Shino have the option to marry another clan heir, so there will be no tension there. Naruto’s short-lived crush on Sakura aside, he doesn’t seem to have even noticed romance exists, as of yet. So that’s not much of a concern either.

~

Shino finds himself a bit baffled to be the focus of Naruto _convincing_ him to follow his or Shikamaru’s plans.

Why, you ask? For one thing, Shino likes to think of himself as a rational person who can see the value in plans, even unconventional plans, without prompting or convincing. It is also strange to not be the one in the position of convincing a hot-headed teammate that there is _any_ value in plans. He does not make a habit of denigrating others, but Kiba’s tendency to jump headfirst into situations without listening or consulting others is something Shino finds terribly exasperating.

Naruto, while hotheaded and impulsive, has clearly gotten in the habit of consulting Shikamaru before leaping in and at least gaining grudging approval from his other teammate before acting. Though Sho apparently is stubborn or dim, because it’s clear to Shino that Naruto is just as puzzled by his easy agreement and logical amendments to plans as Shino is by being the target of convincing.

Even Shikamaru looks slightly startled now and then when Shino simply agrees to a decent plan.

Overall, team 10 is very different from team 8.

For instance, he’s never eaten so much ramen prior to this in his life. Naruto would live on ramen if allowed, it is quite apparent.

Having been included on team dinners made by Shikamaru’s mother, he now has a vague appreciation for Shikamaru’s declaration that women are troublesome. The amount of heavy handed hinting _(which Naruto somehow manages to miss)_ at Naruto about mating Shikamaru is downright uncomfortable and somewhat terrifying. Naruto is barely thirteen, after all, and Yoshino-san seems downright amused at Shikamaru’s discomfort with the subject. The amount of sharp reminders about easily remembered tasks is a bit much as well.

This is not to say he dislikes Yoshino-san. He does not. She is in fact a polite and gracious hostess, an excellent cook, and she clearly values the wellbeing of her son’s teammates nearly as much as she values that of her son. It is a bit strange to be the focus of that much attention, however.

Shino has, however, gained a rather mild distaste for the habit of smoking. Why? Because his kikaichu dislike the smoke from Asuma sensei’s cigarettes.

His teammates are also very different in the way they react and the roles they fill on the team.

While Kiba and Akamaru are always a 2-for-1 with complementary skillsets, able to be good frontal attackers, Naruto can literally be 100 of himself and, _though not nearly as skilled as Kiba_ , is able to overwhelm enemies with sheer numbers coming from many directions. As well, he is a notable trickster, able to take advantage of weaknesses others wouldn’t begin to spot. He has an innate sense of tactics that is wildly different than the by the book tactics from Academy and those taught by individual clans.

Hinata holds back because she is lacking confidence; her best roles are locating enemies and as a defender. Shikamaru holds back because he’d rather think than expend physical effort; his best roles are in capture and strategy. Shino knows himself to be above average in intelligence, and is not used to being so effortlessly outclassed in being able to plan ahead. He is also not used to having such a lazy teammate.

In short, being an integral part of team 10 is quite a challenge. But not an insurmountable one.

~

Naruto is _thrilled_ by the new version of team 10! Well, okay, maybe not thrilled, cuz he has to ask the new guy who he is and finally remembers him as the really quiet weirdo in the same class as him and Shika had been in.

But the new guy is _way_ nicer than Sho. Shino doesn’t argue just to argue, and doesn’t even get mad at Naruto just for talking like most people do! Besides, his bugs are kinda scary badass, cuz they like, ate all his chakra during the chunin exams. And, and, like, that probably can’t happen normally cuz he has a _lot_ of chakra and he was _super_ tired and low on chakra after fighting Gaara, who is a great new friend, but it still _maybe_ could happen, and it _totally_ would work on any ninja not as awesome as Naruto! So that’s cool.

Not only that, but he’s smart enough to get along with Shikamaru, which is good, because Naruto is well aware that he’s an idiot and there’s only so many idiots that should be on one team. It was really tough to dumb things down enough for Sho to get them, ‘ttebayo!

Also! They get to go on cool, C ranks all the time now, and Asuma sensei only comes along on B ranks just in case. So they don’t have to listen to him moaning about missing his girlfriend. Which, like, Naruto totally gets, cuz Kurenai sensei is really pretty, but still, it gets old. ‘Specially when Asuma sensei gets that goofy perv look on his face, cuz gross!

And team 10 are totally awesome grownup ninjas now, who get to show off how badass they all are! He’s not joking, either. Most of their C ranks end up as B ranks for some reason, and _two_ of their B ranks have ended up as S ranks, which is _awesome,_ even if Asuma sensei is all horrified about it.

When they’re not busy with that or regular training, they’re busy learning the stuff that weirdo Ero sensei sends him. Ero sensei had offered to take him with him as an apprentice, which was tempting and all, but his team is _awesome_ so of course he turned _that_ down. So, instead, Ero sensei spent like a month teaching them a little bit of basics stuffs, and now he sends these thick letters full of stuff for them to learn. Which is basically Shika teaching Naruto, cuz Naruto’s reading com-pre-hen-sion is really bad and Shika’s so smart that he can basically, like, look at the page and understand it all in one go. And Shino sits in because he’s interested and it’s not like they’re gonna leave him out to be mean or anything. Dattebayo!

He’s pretty sure Shika’s mom is the reason that Ero sensei backed off and let him have the choice to stay with his team, so Yoshino-san is his new favorite adult. Even if she does braid Shika’s hair with ribbons and tries to put him in dresses and makeup sometimes and makes a bunch of weird comments about him and Shika, which he _thinks_ means she likes him, but he’s not real sure. Shika certainly acts like she’s doing it just to tease him, which is a possibility, because Naruto’s pretty sure she _is_ that kind of person, but whatever. She’s even teaching him how to make ramen from scratch! Which is way, way harder that Teuchi-san makes it look when he does it. _(He’s secretly convinced that Teuchi-san was blessed by the ramen gods when he was born and that’s why all his ramen is divine.)_ Naruto kind of sucks a _lot_ at making ramen from scratch, but Yoshino-san didn’t even throw out his last attempt! So he’s getting lots better!

Maybe when he’s old and wants to retire from being Hokage, he’ll start up a ramen shop like Teuchi-san and feed a new generation the food of life. Cuz ramen is the _best!_ Dattebayo!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neji _: I hate that smug Nara brat, but maybe he’s right. It’s my fate to overturn the fate of the branch house!_
> 
> Naruto: _All hail the holy ramen and be blessed._
> 
> Shikamaru: _We’ve had six C ranks, five of which turned into B ranks, and three B ranks, two of which turned into S ranks. Kami hates me and I **knew** I should have failed the chunin exams. So troublesome._
> 
> Shino: _Naruto is terrible at identifying bugs, but he tries hard. He’s brought me June beetles, mayflies, and horned beetles a total of 17 times now._
> 
> Sho: “Hinata, teach me how to defeat your cousin!”
> 
> Incidentally, Kabuto dropped out of the prelims quietly and his teammates were eliminated during the prelims.
> 
> Kiba and Hinata both express, Kiba as an omega and Hinata as an alpha, after the addition of Sho to their team. According to Kurenai, they expressed out of sheer, unadulterated frustration at having to deal with him, but that’s influenced by her own frustration with him.


	3. Those Damned Pills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto gets a message, Yoshino has to explain things she would be happy to avoid ever explaining, Shikamaru suffers, Naruto is baffled, Shikaku has a parent-life crisis very quietly, and Ino gets protective.  
> Also, the tone of this chapter may not be what you were expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- alpha  
> Sho- beta  
> Shikamaru- omega  
> Shino- alpha  
> Hinata- alpha  
> Kiba- omega   
> Ino- omega  
> Chouji- alpha  
> Wakiwa- 脇わ meaning (side), male, Ino and Chouji’s civilian born teammate- beta  
> Sakura- alpha  
> Ami, civilian born- omega  
> Sasuke- omega

Naruto blinks at the unknown Nara at his door. Being teammates with Shika, he’s met most of them over the past four years, but not this one.

“Naruto-san, Yoshino-sama asks that you come right away.”

He blinks, steps out and locks his door, and asks, “Did she say why?”

“No.”

“Do you _know_ why?” Naruto asks with a frown at the woman’s tone.

The Nara woman shakes her head. “Not for sure, but given that you’re practically Shikamaru’s fiancé, it probably has to do with him. He may have been one of the ones asked to trial the new suppressants.”

Naruto blanches. The only thing he knows about medicine is how to clean and dress basic wounds so they don’t get worse, but Shika possibly having an emergency in relation to new suppressants sounds ominous. “He won’t die, right?”

She snorts. “If that were a possibility, they wouldn’t be handing them out for testing. Even an atypical reaction would warrant the hospital over calling for his boyfriend.”

It takes him a moment, then he blushes. “We’re just teammates, you know? Yoshino-san likes to tease Shika about it, is all.”

“Good luck with that, kid. Yoshino-sama is a pitbull when she gets something in her head.” She laughs in amusement, then stops to match his stride as he speeds up.

~

Yoshino-san’s expression is so grim that Naruto stumbles a little, barely noting the messenger woman lazily saluting, saying “Yoshino-sama”, and then hieing off.

“Is Shika okay?” He asks fearfully.

She grimaces. “I wouldn’t say _‘okay’_ , but he’s not in danger, if that’s what you mean.”

He breathes a sigh of relief. “Then…?”

“Are you aware that our clan formulates many of the pills used by the village?”

“Uh, I guess? Um. Shika said something about the Akamichi food pills?”

Yoshino nods. “Yes, that is one. Suppressants are another. We are trialing a new generation of suppressants. Shikamaru’s never had issue with his normal ones, of course, but as a male omega he’s part of a rather small group that needs to be represented in the trials properly.”

Naruto scratches the back of his head, slightly confused as she leads him upstairs. “So he had to take them so your trials aren’t wrong?”

“Correct. Unfortunately, it appears that the new suppressant has the opposite effect on male omegas. Or at least on Shikamaru. The medic we consulted said that with him being on suppressants for the last four years, the effect will be doubled. At least doubled. Which means my boy is going to be in a lot of distress if an alpha doesn’t attend him during his heat. Naruto, he’s in there _crying_ …” She takes a deep breath, then sighs it out, biting her lip for a moment. “I know I tease him a lot, and I hate to ask, but…you’re the only alpha I _know_ for sure he’s compatible with and that he trusts enough to do this. If- If you-”

“Wait. Why me and not Shino? Shino’s an alpha too. And he’s from a clan.”

“He expressed because of you.”

Naruto blinks in confusion. “Well, yeah, but what does that have to do with it?”

“You don’t-? Of course you don’t know. No one would have bothered to tell you, would they?”

“Uh.” He can’t argue with that, because it’s _so_ true. People aren’t malicious like they used to be, most of the time now, but that doesn’t mean they _like_ ‘the demon container’. There’s a lot of things he’s missed because of skipping class and people not caring to check if he actually learned anything.

“Triggering someone else’s expression only happens if you’re compatible. Though the compatibility _can_ be as low as 50%, which is about the level of _‘you’re okay for a one-night stand, but marriage to you would be hell’_ , it’s usually higher. Below that and you’re getting into genetic incompatibility issues. The lower the compatibility, the more serious the issues. Things like miscarriages, stillbirths, SIDS, mutations, malformed body structure and higher risk for mental instability. They can happen with normal couples, but they’re almost guaranteed if a couple’s compatibility is under 50%. Understand?”

He stares at her for a few seconds. “Not compatible is bad and triggering his expression means I’m at least half compatible? And not bad? I think.”

“Yes.” She looks relieved. “So you can understand why, if someone triggered another person’s expression, that historically clans would regard them as being the best probable match?”

“Uh, no. You just said it could be the least ‘not bad’ compatible possible.”

Yoshino gets that funny _‘I know you’re not stupid; why are you sounding stupid?’_ look that Shika sometimes wears around him. “Yes, well. _Historically_ , most marriages were arranged to benefit the family or clan. Without extensive interaction of the couple in question, triggered expression was the best indicator they had of compatibility. Which obviously is better than not compatible, given the number of things that could go wrong with such marriages.”

“Okay. I guess I get that.”

“So, given that this is an _emergency_ , and Shikaku and I trust you, _Shikamaru_ trusts you, and Shikamaru hasn’t shown interest in anyone except that omega girl from Suna a couple years back, and he isn’t _disinterested_ in you or he’d have told me off about teasing him a long time ago, and I _know_ you’re compatible to some degree…you’re the only one I can ask. Shikamaru is currently out of his mind with heat hormones. You don’t have to have sex with him, but he’ll try for it. Same with biting him. All his _body_ wants right now is to secure a compatible alpha. I’d like to say _‘don’t bite him’_ , but your instincts will be working against you. And if you _do_ bite him, at least we’ll know it won’t be a complete disaster.”

Naruto winces. _‘Not a complete disaster’_ is hardly a recommendation, but he knows Yoshino-san actually likes him when she’s not worried over Shikamaru’s wellbeing. “Okay. I- Okay.”

“Good. Make sure he eats and drinks and sleeps. He won’t want to, but he’s not thinking right now. You’ll have to do that for him. We’ll keep covered trays of food and drinks outside the door, so you don’t have to worry about it.” She opens what is apparently Shikamaru’s bedroom door and sort of shoves him inside. “And I’m being selfish, but…don’t let my baby hurt himself.” She shuts the door in his face.

_Uh. Okay then._

Whimpering from the bed attracts his attention, and he walks over to shake Shika’s shoulder and ask if he needs anything. Before he even touches him, though, Shika suddenly lunges at him, grabs, and twists. He blinks at the ceiling, a little amazed to find himself flat on his back, with Shika kneeling over him, sniffing at his neck.

“Na-ru-to.” Shika says raspily, then abruptly collapses on top of him, knocking the breath out of him.

_What the-?_

Shikamaru makes a soft snuffling sound against his ear that Naruto knows from experience on missions means that he’s dropped directly into sleep.

_Apparently he’s a pillow now. That works._

~

Four days later, he can proudly say that he’s managed to not have sex with Shikamaru. But, he can admit, only because Shika has been more interested in sleeping on him most of the time than fucking him. Either Shika’s heat is _weird_ , or all the romances are wrong _(given who writes the most popular series around, he wouldn’t be surprised if they’re all wrong)_. Shikamaru is surprisingly aggressive physically. Naruto has resorted to wearing a pair of Shika’s sweats because he has no idea where Shika’s managed to disappear the clothes he almost literally ripped off of him. Not to mention the livid bond bite on Naruto’s neck.

It’s tempting, so tempting, to return the bite, but Naruto’s not that kind of guy. He needs Shikamaru’s fully aware consent before he does that, not something driven by heat-mad craving. Shika’s going to be embarrassed and defensive as it is, neither of them need him feeling trapped by something he didn’t consent to. They can break the forming bond. _It’s not like anyone else will ever want Naruto; he’s not going to be surprised that Shika doesn’t either_.

Shikamaru stirs, lifting his head, draped in the damp towel Naruto managed to wrestle him into after dragging him into the shower earlier. His eyes are contemplative and his voice is hoarse. “So. I wasn’t dreaming.”

Naruto smiles sheepishly. “Hi.”

“Did I do this?” Shika lifts a hand to touch fingertips to the bond bite.

He flinches slightly, because it’s still painful and raw. “Er, yeah. But you know-”

“Naruto.”

“It’s-” He snaps his mouth shut, because that’s Shika’s _‘I don’t want to hear it’_ voice.

Shika traces the edge of the bite delicately before saying, “Does this bother you?”

“N-No?” Naruto knows he’s blushing all over, because he actually _likes_ the mark.

“You didn’t bite me back?”

“I wouldn’t do that without asking!” He protests indignantly.

“Ah.” There’s a long silence, then Shikamaru remarks, “I like this on you. I don’t share well, though. Y’know?”

“Sh-Share?” Naruto stutters, totally lost by the sudden turn in conversation.

“Well, yeah. You’re the last Uzumaki as far as I know. I’m pretty sure the Council will want you to take more than one mate. I heard the previous Council _forced_ Hatake-sensei to choose the ones he has. Dad said something about the current Council deciding to never force it again, but that doesn’t mean they won’t put pressure on you.”

_What._

He shakes his head. “I don’t think so, Shika. It’s not like anyone would want _me_ as a mate, so-”

“I do.”

“What?”

“I do. And I’m not sharing.”

“Um.”

Shikamaru sighs. “This is me formally giving you permission to bite me back. Okay?”

“Er… Wait, wait. You _want_ me to bite you back? But I thought-”

“Naruto, I never thought I’d say this, but _you think too much_. You’re mine. So bite me already, and if you ever _think_ about biting someone else, I will _end_ you. Got it?”

His eyes widen and he _eeps_ in a totally unmanly way, then stammers, “G-Got it.”

“Okay. Good. I’m glad we’ve got that settled.” Shikamaru manages to include a trace of his normal smug self in the words, but he sounds too relieved for Naruto to take any offense to it. Then he yawns broadly.

Naruto chuckles, a tiny snatch of sound not quite bitten back. “Why don’t you go back to sleep? We can do the bite later. This position is bad for it.”

Shika’s eyes narrow. “No. You’ll just come up with another excuse. Now. Or I won’t sleep.”

_Probably fair._

It takes some awkward rearranging for him to bite Shika’s throat in the right spot, but they manage it after some flailing around. Shika hums smugly, then pushes him back down and settles down on top of him again. Naruto’s getting some distinctly Yoshino-san-like vibes from the whole thing and wonders if he’s right or if it’s just his imagination. It’s bizarre, cuz he’s always thought that Shika is just like his dad.

~

Shikaku-san eyes the bite mark on Naruto’s neck, then asks, “Shikamaru make you bite him back?”

“Eh, yeah. How did you know?”

The older man snorts. “I’m married to his mother. Yoshino bit the shit out of my neck on our first date. C’mon. Let’s get that disinfected before you get sick. There’s nothing fun about an enflamed bond bite and the medics will never let you live it down.”

 _Honestly, that sounds like a great idea, because the bite actually hurts quite a bit._ “Shika needs to have that done, too.”

“Yoshino will take care of it. She’ll fuss over him until she’s reassured herself that her baby is okay.”

Naruto submits to Shikaku’s careful cleaning, grateful the man isn’t being rough.

“This’ll sting.” He warns and wipes something over the bite that has Naruto hissing and gritting his teeth. “All done. Did you and Shikamaru have sex?”

He sputters in shock. “No!”

“Interesting. Good to know. I prefer to wait a few years before having to face having grandchildren.”

Naruto flails, then buries his face in his hands and mumbles, “Shika’s not pregnant! I didn’t _do_ anything! And he mostly used me as a pillow, so I don’t get what the big deal about heats is.”

Shikaku-san ruffles his hair. “You’ll understand next time, when he isn’t having an aberrant reaction to medication. It’s a _good_ thing that you make him feel secure enough to cuddle you.”

~

Ino takes one look at Shikamaru’s bond mark and squeals like a stuck pig.

Her teammate ~~Wanwan~~ Wakiwa winces. Obviously no one has clued him in on the muffling his hearing with chakra trick when it comes to Ino’s exclamations.

Chouji just nods at him and says, “Congratulations.”

Shikamaru smiles at him. “Thanks.”

“Who bit you!? And do I need to kill them for you?” Ino asks, at least half serious about the offer.

“Naruto.” He admits, aware that his voice is oozing self-satisfaction. Then he smirks. “And I don’t share, so find your own man.”

“Oh, you bitch.” She huffs and flips her hair. “Besides, why do you want that idiot?”

“I’m smart enough for both of us, so why wouldn’t I? Besides, at least he didn’t get sent back to the Academy because he thought there was an ‘I’ in ‘teamwork’.”

“Puh-lease. I got over Sasuke before graduation. You could at least use someone I’ve actually _dated_.”

He shrugs and admits, “I’ve never bothered remembering their names. It’s not like you liked them even as much as I liked Temari.”

“Until she dumped you flat when you told her that you’re an omega.” Ino snarks.

“Oh, that stung. Not.” He gripes. While he’s aware that Ino doesn’t regard him as ‘competition’ and never has, never will, she sometimes steps over the line with her jibes in not-fun ways. It _had_ stung, at the time. But now he’s too pleased with himself over Naruto to bother with that memory.

“Sorry.” She apologizes, startling him a little, because sometimes he forgets how much she’s grown up. “Are you happy?”

Shikamaru pauses for a moment. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

Ino nods sharply. “Good. Naruto’s so big now that he’d be a pain to bury in my camellias.” Then she slides him a sly look. “Does he live up to those big hands?”

He can feel himself going bright red in the space of a second as he chokes in shock. “ _Ino!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needless to say, while there is a genetic component to sexual attraction, it’s hardly a one-size-fits-all gold standard and arranged marriages rarely if ever have the convenience of sexual attraction ahead of time. Since genetic incompatibility can lead to a horror show in the reproduction realm, people seized on the notion of triggered expression indicating a high-compatibility match early on in history. By now, of course, that idea has been debunked, _however_ it has been medically proven that genetic compatibility below the 50% mark _almost never_ results in a triggered expression, so clans and people in general cling to the notion. Blood tests are another method used to avoid bad matches, since incompatible blood types can result in malnourished babes or spontaneous abortions, that kind of thing.  
>  _(This is **not** meant to be indicative of real life. However, there is a reason that some places require blood tests before marriage and that reason is that incompatible blood types between mother and the fetus can result in bad side effects for one or both, or even spontaneous abortions as the mother’s body treats the fetus as an invader.  
> There is also a theory that genetic compatibility plays a role in attraction, i.e. pheromones, but as far as I know it is largely theory only.)_
> 
> Aberrant reaction- I.e. not your typical a/b/o sex crazed haze. While Shikaku says ‘aberrant’, Shikamaru is hardly the first omega to have odd reactions to heats, particularly when the heat is substance-influenced/forced. In Shikamaru’s case, he has a natural tendency to be a cuddlebug rather than a sex fiend during heats, something that is overtly reinforced by his atypical reaction to the suppressant and his distress over the whole thing.
> 
> And yes, Shika _did_ strip Naruto’s clothing and hide it in his bedding. Possibly he thought Naruto was trying to leave when he got up to go to the bathroom or something. He’ll be embarrassed when he finds them later. Some of them are salvageable, but Shika most likely will never give them back. Although he _may_ buy Naruto a set of replacement clothes.  
> So yeah, Naruto’s parading around shirtless in Shika’s slightly too small sweatpants when he’s interacting with Shikaku.
> 
> Wanwan- This is, I believe, the sound of a puppy crying. Something puppy-related at least. Basically Shika’s still pissy about not being on his best friends’ team and as a result, thinks negatively about Wakiwa who really doesn’t deserve his spite. This, despite being perfectly happy with the team he’s on. Shika does _not_ call him this to his face and _usually_ not even out loud.
> 
> Omega/omega or alpha/alpha relationships are rare and can be extremely difficult to maintain if one or both parties have some political significance. So Temari dumping Shika wasn’t because she was being a bitch, but because she was being practical. With Gaara’s reputation in the picture, her family literally cannot handle the political cost of her being in an abnormal relationship. She’s still good friends with Shikamaru.
> 
> In case you missed it or are confused, there is a colloquial saying about the size of hands or feet indicating the size of a guy’s dick. So Ino was asking if Naruto has a big dick.
> 
> Yoshino: _I’m so glad Shika’s smart enough I never had to explain this to him. And I’m totally judging all the adults in Naruto’s life that I have to be the one to explain it. In conjunction to my son!_
> 
> Shikaku: _Please, kami, no grandkids for at least a decade. I can handle my boy having sex, probably, but I can’t handle him being **that** grown up_.
> 
> Ino: _If someone hurts Shikamaru, I’ll- (grrr) Oh, Naruto? Okay, he’s harmless. Time to hassle Shikamaru for getting bonded before me_.
> 
> Chouji: _Good for you, Shikamaru. Chip_?
> 
> Credit to:   
> The blue cat, for holding me down for the first half of the chapter so writing got done instead of me running off nervously.  
> SectorDweller, for pointing out that it would be better to show Ino’s reaction to Shikamaru’s answer.
> 
> So, question for you readers. I always intended to timeskip and write this out as the end chapter, but I didn’t take into account that it might change the tone of the fic, which it may have? I also didn’t take into account that Naruto’s pov would get so long.   
> That said: In your honest opinion, is this a good place to end this fic? Or do you think it needs another chapter?


	4. Contracts and Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boys being boys, wedding contract, legalities, and a house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not edited.  
> Yes, this is the actual last chapter.  
>  **Warning:** If you are not a teen or older, you should probably skip the fourth scene. It is not explicit, but it definitely hints at it.

Naruto blinks and halts so that he doesn’t bodily run into Team 7, who are coming from the other direction in the busy marketplace. Instead of going around him, though, they pause as Sasuke looks him over curiously.

“Yo, Dobe. Was that consensual?” Sasuke points his chin vaguely at Naruto’s shoulder, probably because lifting his hand would be too much hassle.

“Wha…?” Naruto is lost for a moment before he realizes that Sasuke means his _bond bite_. Which he has _no idea_ why Kurama hasn’t just healed up, but he’s grateful that the grumpy fox is letting it be. “Oh. Y-Yeah. It was.”

There’s a glint in Sasuke’s eyes that he doesn’t know what to make of, as he asks, “Who is it?”

He grins happily at Sasuke, because the teme is still his best friend, even if they don’t see much of each other these days. “Shikamaru!”

“Hn.” Something wistful crosses Sasuke’s face, but Naruto can’t make heads or tails of _why_. “Good then. Be happy, dobe.”

Naruto’s eyes widen and he stares for a few seconds before recalling his manners. “Thanks, teme! I am.”

“And tell Shikamaru…”

“Teme?”

Sasuke shakes his head. “Nevermind. I’ll tell him myself. We need to get our groceries home before they spoil, but there’s some nice mushrooms for sale if you’re looking.”

“Cool. I picked up some new tomato seeds for you on our last mission. I’d better hurry, but I’ll bring them over tomorrow, if that’s okay?” They both ignore the weirded out looks the girls are giving them.

“Hn.” Sasuke says in satisfaction.

So what if their friendship revolves around tomato plants and shopping? Sasuke’s got _trauma_ in his background and hardly anyone _likes_ Naruto, after all. A man can’t be stuck up about social stuffs when he finds a good friend.

~

Naruto blinks at the stack of papers Shikamaru smacks down in front of him.

“Sign these.”

He hesitates. Don’t get him wrong, he trusts Shika with his life, but being teammates with Shikamaru and Shino this long has taught him a few things. “What is it?”

A small smirk curls Shikamaru’s lips. “A marriage contract for us, between our clans. Don’t worry, I had mom go through it as your advocate, so the terms on both sides are fair. If you want to run it by Shino and his dad or Asuma-sensei first, though, I wouldn’t blame you.”

“I trust you.” He tells Shikamaru seriously and reaches for the pen that Shika has thoughtfully provided.

Shikamaru grimaces. “You should still read it first, at least. _I_ didn’t put this together. My dad did. And he may have sneaked in a few things that benefit my clan that you might object to.”

“Have you read through it?”

“I skimmed it.” He replies with a shrug.

Naruto grins at him knowingly. There’s no way Shika hasn’t read through the entire thing at least three times already. “Good, then you can explain it to me. And show me where to sign.”

“I suppose.” Shikamaru acquiesces in a beleaguered tone that is at least half faked.

As he reads and listens to Shika’s explanations, he’s actually a little impressed with how much he understands _before_ the interpretation. He _loves_ his team. They’ve got out of their way numerous times to improve his vocabulary and reading comprehension _immensely_. At this point, Shika helping him is more courtesy and habit than _necessity_.

“Wait.” He interrupts. “Three kids? Why are kids in the marriage contract? Isn’t that something that, y’know, happens naturally?”

“Not when the marriage involves Clan heads. Mom and Dad’s marriage contract required an heir, me, and a spare as optional. Mom had a really bad miscarriage after me and the medics told her it’s unsafe for her to try again, so they just have me. But if they hadn’t had me, the Clan had grounds to make my dad divorce my mom or take a second omega to have children with so the clan had an heir.”

“Oh.” Naruto grimaces, because that sounds miserable. “So why is there _three_ kids specified in ours? Why not just an heir and possible spare like your parents’ contract?”

Shikamaru gives him a very patient expression that tells him he’s missed something _super_ obvious. “Because _you’re_ a Clan head in your own right, and because you’re the last Uzumaki, the _Council_ could get involved and make you take extra mates if we don’t guarantee at least _two_ children for the Uzumaki clan. Make sense?”

“Uh…” He scratches his head in puzzlement, then nods. “I guess? I mean, it’s still weird to think about me having a clan, cuz it’s always just been me. And the Council thing is _super_ weird, cuz I can’t see anyone wanting me and-”

 _“Naruto.”_ Shikamaru growls warningly.

He eeps and holds up his hands appeasingly. “I mean, except for you! An-And I think it would be mean to force someone who didn’t want to, y’know? Shika…?”

Shika huffs and lets it go. “So. Two kids for your clan, one for mine. Minimum. And five maximum, because a Clan heir can’t afford to be pregnant _all_ of the time, and really, _three is plenty_.”

“Y-Yeah.” He can’t agree more, actually. Konohamaru’s little gang is the closest thing he’s ever done to taking care of kids and he _is_ aware there’s a lot more to it than playing ninja. Three sounds kind of scary already, actually. Then he frowns. “Shika, your mom had problems…what if you’re like your mom?”

“There’s a provision for that. It’s the next one. See here? In that case, the clans will share an heir, or the Nara clan has the option of picking someone else to be my heir, to avoid conflict of interest.”

“Oh. Uh, that’s good. But that’s not what I meant. Can we have like…a medic just for you when you’re pregnant? I don’t want you to die, Shika.”

There is a moment where Shikamaru freezes, surprise all over his face, then he relaxes and sighs. “So you want to require a medic on-call for my pregnancies? Troublesome. Fine, we can do that. I don’t like it, but it makes sense. Let me write that in, then we both have to initial the change so it’s legal or we can have a fresh contract drawn up to include that.”

Naruto wrinkles his nose. “Let’s just initial it. I don’t want to have to go through all of this again.”

It’s the first change, but it isn’t the last. Contracts between clans are _really_ thorough, and that’s what this is, the marriage part aside. There is stuff about where they’ll live, something about acquiring land for the Uzumaki clan, how much time the kids are required to spend with both clans, how many Clan techniques the kids who _aren’t_ the Nara heir get to learn, who will be guardians for the kids if something happens to him and Shika, and several minor trade agreements between the two clans. _And more!_ He can’t even _remember_ it all by the time they’re done with signing everything.

Then, just when he thinks they’re done, Shika drags him off to find like, _half the village_ to sign as witnesses. Most of whom insist on reading the contract _thoroughly_ before signing. And after that, they have to go register the contract with the legal office, which takes _forever_ , because the Registrars have to type up a copy of the whole thing, changes included, for their own records. By the time they’re done, it’s almost dark and he ends up carrying a now very droopy but triumphant Shikamaru back home so Yoshino-san can feed them.

The food is _excellent_ , as usual. Even if Shika looks like he’s about to fall asleep in his for the entire meal.

He turns down the offer of a guest room, because the food has restored his energy and is about to leave when Shikamaru pauses halfway up the stairs and calls down. “Mom. I have a problem. I’m stuck. Can I sleep on the stairs?”

There is a startled silence. Then Yoshino laughs. “No, you may not.”

She tilts her head at Naruto, who obediently bounds up the stairs and drags his droopy fiancé up to his own bedroom, ignoring Shika’s disgruntled whine. He has to practically _pour_ him into the bed, because Shikamaru has decided to protest by way of going entirely limp. “Come on, Shika. You’ll hate yourself tomorrow if I let you sleep on the stairs or on the floor; the bed’s more comfortable. Just let me- Ack! Shika!”

Naruto isn’t going to make it home after all, because Shika _won’t let go_. And maybe, just maybe, Yoshino-san comes by to coo at them and Shikaku-san chuckles at them before reaching past her to flip off the light and pull the door closed for them. It’s embarrassing but nice, so after a bit Naruto gives in and goes with it. At least he doesn’t have to walk back to his apartment now.

~

Finding a place to live is _painfully tedious._ Neither Naruto’s tiny apartment, nor Shika’s room at his parents’ house fulfill the demands of the contract, so they can’t really put off looking because the contract will kick in _immediately_ once they’re married.

Shikamaru gets a list from his mom of required features their apartment needs and adds a couple more at Naruto’s request.

 _All_ of the apartments that meet their requirements have _something_ wrong with them. Naruto’s seen over fifty apartments in the last three weeks and the only two he even mildly regrets Shika nixing are the one with the orange bedroom and the one with the massive balcony. He _definitely_ does not regret nixing the one Shika had liked, the one that felt like something horrifying and fatal has happened there. Sharing with ghosts is _not_ one of his life goals.

Even the realtor they hired to help them look seems tired behind her peppy smile. “Unfortunately, that was the last property on my list. However, I may have one more to look at if you’re willing. I realize that you’re not looking to buy and are looking at apartments, not houses, but…”

She trails off, letting them fill in the blanks.

Shikamaru grunts. “We’ll look.”

The medium sized house has every amenity on their list and several more besides, not to mention being surrounded by a small bit of land, enough to give Shikamaru space to nap outside without being disturbed by neighbors, as well as being much closer to Nara lands than Naruto’s current apartment. There’s nothing wrong with it that they can’t fix up themselves with a couple hours of spare time and tools.

Finally, Shika seems satisfied with his poking around and asks, “How much is it?”

The realtor quotes them a price that even Naruto knows is well below market price and then explains, “The owner wants to sell to a young couple who will value the place as a long term home. Most young couples aren’t looking for a lifetime investment, though, so it’s been difficult finding a buyer.”

Naruto eyes Shikamaru’s expression, then nods. “We’ll take it.”

~

He flops grumpily, tired of the constant questions about Naruto from Ino’s clan and some of Chouji’s relatives as well, and rests his head in Naruto’s lap. Maybe if they ‘look cute’ together people will leave them alone for a bit. Forever would be nice, but kind of impractical at an Akamichi barbeque. At least the view is nice from here, plenty of clouds and…though his fiancé is slowly turning a downright alarming shade of red.

“Naruto, how come you’re all red?”

He flails out his hands expressively and splutters for a moment before trying to reply. “Cuz you- On the- On your- Uh. Imeanyoubreathedonmydick and I'msorry, I’mtryingnottothinkaboutit! Uh.”

 _Oh. Well, he certainly doesn’t remember **that** from his heat. Of course, he doesn’t remember much of **anything** about it._ He blinks slowly a few times.

“I… That…makes sense. The groin is one of the most scent heavy places on the body.” _And he needs to **not think about this** in public, dammit._

Naruto slaps both hands over his face in mortification, and Shikamaru has the sense to keep his mouth shut. His fiancé is _loud_ when he’s worked up.

Instead, he tries focusing on the clouds overhead. Because _notthinkingaboutbreathingonhisdick- He's mine. I'd like to- Nonotthinkingabouthisnotnotnot- Would be fun to see his expression- Nonotthinkingabout-_

He groans and curls up in a ball. _Apparently he’s thinking about it. In public. Ugh._

“Shika?” Naruto sounds concerned.

“Just…talk about something else, will you? _Anything_ else.”

“Er… Uh… Right. So, um, did you see Ino flirting with that weird dead-eyed kid last week? She was all-”

The good thing about Naruto’s voice is that it’s impossible to ignore. He lets the flow of chatter distract him from his inappropriate-for-public-gathering thoughts.

~

Naruto folds his arms and scowls at the Council. “I don’t like this discussion, and I won’t have it without my fiancé present.”

“Young man, don’t be rude.” One of the elders scolds.

“I’m not. What you’re talking about affects him too. Or did you think I’m stupid? How many times do you think people have tried tricking me to get at Shikamaru? Cuz I can tell you right now, it’s a lot.”

Baa-chan snorts and laughs. “He’s got you there!” She signals one of the ANBU lurking around. “Have Shikamaru fetched. And tell him why.”

“Hai, Hokage.” The ANBU replies and disappears.

“Why warn the boy?” A different councilor complains.

“Because I’m not in the mood for the level of passive-aggressive a pissed off Nara can pull if he feels ambushed by allies. Trust me, it is _not_ pretty. Entertaining if you’re not the target, of course, but I’d rather stay out of this particular splash zone.” There’s obviously a story there and Naruto’s dying to ask. He suspects that it’s about Shikaku-san, not Shikamaru. But even he knows this isn’t the time or the place.

His fiancé shows up looking like his usual lazy self, but Naruto’s familiar with that particular glint in his eye and it means nothing good for the Council. Shikamaru nods respectfully to baa-chan. “Hokage-sama.”

Then he listens, apparently unruffled, as the elders tell him what they told Naruto.

“No.” He says in a harsh, flat tone when they finish. “You cannot legally require this.”

“I think you’ll find we _can_ , young man. There are precedents. Hatake being the most recent.”

“And that worked out _so well_ for the previous Council, didn’t it?” Shikamaru mutters not quite under his breath.

The Council collectively twitches and gives him narrow eyed looks. “What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing.” Shikamaru shrugs. “Just saying, the timing was _uncanny_. Almost like _divine judgement_.” There is a moment of dead silence, then he scoffs and reaches for his hip pouch. “I thought this might happen.” He pulls a scroll out, then notes the tense expressions caused by his action and scoffs again, before unsealing the scroll.

It contains several stacks of paper with _really familiar_ thickness, which he passes around to baa-chan and each councilor. “As you know, the Council is not legally allowed to interfere with Clan and inter-Clan matters. I’d like to draw your attention to Clause 1 of the marriage contract between the Uzumaki clan and the Nara clan, regarding the mating and marriage between Shikamaru Nara and Naruto Uzumaki. Please note that this contract has been legally witnessed and recorded in the public record.”

Naruto manfully doesn’t laugh at the several grumpy huffs that result as the elders read in silence.

A couple minutes later, baa-chan chuckles. “I _did_ tell you that this was a bad idea. They’ve got all the issues covered and…” She flips to the last page. “I count one, two, three…six, seven, _eight_ Clan heads and six Clan heirs as signed witnesses. Not including my own signature, of course. Shikamaru’s right. We have no legal grounds to enforce what you want for Naruto.”

“You already knew about this, Tsunade-sama.” One accuses.

Baa-chan spreads her hands. “I did. But since you didn’t want to listen, I figured I’d let Shikamaru prove it to you. And yes, I did read it all the way through _before_ I signed. It reads exactly the way I remembered it reading, but it was nice to refresh my memory. I presume the lot of you would have insisted on reading the contract for yourselves even if I’d told you it existed, so this way wastes less time.”

“And you _knew_ that young Shikamaru would have extra copies of the contract handy?” Another councilor accuses.

“Please. You act as if he _hasn’t_ been raised by my Jounin Commander. _Of course_ he has copies handy. Any other questions with extremely obvious answers you’d like to ask while we’re at it? … No? Well then. Shikamaru, do you want these back?”

“No, Hokage-sama.” Shikamaru smiles politely in a way that manages to be all teeth without showing _any_ teeth. “The esteemed Councilors are welcome to peruse the rest at their leisure. It _is_ a matter of public record, after all.”

“Alright, brats. Get out of here. You’re done here.”

Shikamaru nods and all but drags Naruto out of the room. He doesn’t slow down until they’re out of earshot.

“Good job stalling so they had to include me.”

Naruto shrugs. “I could’ve taken care of it, but I knew you’d want to be there.” He doesn’t expect it when Shika stops, stares at him for a moment, then kisses him abruptly.

“Get a room, brats.”

He startles and stares dazedly at Genma-san, who looks _very amused_ , wondering where he came from. “We already have four rooms, though?”

Shika laughs and tugs him past Genma-san before he can figure out why that’s funny. _Is it funny? Oh, well. He’ll ask Shika to explain it later. Right now he’s too happy to care_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke does not have romantic feelings for Naruto, but he’s used to thinking of him as _his_ best friend and it shakes him up a little to be reminded that there’s more to Naruto than just their relationship. He gave Shikamaru a very oblique shovel talk later.
> 
> 30+ page marriage contract~ Lol. Shikaku and Yoshino had a lot of fun putting it together and arguing over it on their boys’ behalves. Yoshino represented the Uzumaki clan and Naruto, since he has no one else to really do it for him and Shikaku represented the Nara clan and Shikamaru, since he is Clan head and Shika is his heir.  
> Naruto: “Contracts are scary to deal with.”  
> Shikamaru: “If I can’t sleep on the stairs, I _will_ have a Naruto-blanket.”
> 
> Shikamaru is dreading the wedding that Yoshino is busy planning. Naruto is blissfully naïve. Neither of them have moved into their new house yet, but Naruto has moved his plants over.
> 
> Tsunade’s a little more annoyed at the Council than usual, but mostly for other reasons that have nothing to do with the couple in question. These are OCs, because the canon Council has been retired for several years now, since they all _mysteriously_ came down with dementia at the same time.


End file.
